What am I doing up at this hour???

Ok, here it is 4:30Am and I am sitting at the computer. I am asking myself, WHY? Some parts of motherhood are just not fun! So from the very beginning Hayden has been a pretty good sleeper. I got her on a regular schedule and she would sleep 10-11 hours at night from about one month on. I thought life was great! Then about a month ago things all went down hill fast. All of a sudden she started waking up in the middle of the night. I would go and put her binkie back in her mouth, wrap her back up in her blanket and she would fall back asleep...for about an hour. So I did this process about 6 times a night. I knew that she could go for a long period of time with out eating so I didn't want to feed her because I didn't want her to get into that habit. Well I put up with it for a couple of nights. Then we went on a little vacation and it is impossible to be on a schedule on vacation. So after we got back I thought she would go back to her old sleeping habits. WRONG! Then she got RSV, which is horrible! She couldn't breath well and was very congested so of course she wasn't sleeping well. So now after a couple of weeks we should be back to normal. If things were normal I wouldn't be awake right now. She is five months so I decided that she is old enough to let her cry it out! I absolutely HATE this part of being a mom. It breaks my heart to let her just cry. I would much rather just cuddle her but I know that she needs to learn to put herself to sleep. So after about 45minutes to an hour of crying I think she is settling down. It takes everything I have not to run in there, pick her up and snuggle her in bed with me. I am trying so hard to be a good mom and be strong. I know this first night is the hardest and then hopefully it will be much easier after this. Some people might say it is horrible to just let your child cry. I feel that although it is super hard right now it will make my life much easier in the future. So here I am awake in the wee hours of the morning...I stop for a second and there is SILENCE! I better get to bed! I LOVE being a mom! Hopefully tomorrow night will be much better!